"FOOD. FASHION. FEAR."
That's the slogan of Mansion 7, a so-called "thriller boutique mall" in Ratchadapisek 14 Road. The concept seemed to be so weird that it's cool --- a boutique mall decked out like a haunted mansion, divided into three zones:
Neglected Garden Zone - for retail shops
Playground Zone - with scary-looking restaurants and an open area for thrilling games
The Dark Mansion - a ghost house (180 baht to enter)
The website looks freakin' COOL. I was sold.
Today I went to check it out.
OK, the ghoulish, twisted, purple building looked like something that belonged in a nightmare:
I could already feel cold sweat starting to form at the nape of my neck.
Imagine my horror (pun totally intended) when I realized that the building turned out to be like a warehouse. WITH NO AIRCON.
Let me repeat that:
NO AIRCON. Right here in tropical Thailand.
With temperatures reaching 40 degrees Celcius.
And humidity so high you feel like breathing underwater.
It was a SAUNA in there. A sauna without the fluffy towel and bathrobe.
Oh sure the retail shops were all airconditioned.
But it was sweltering hot outside these shops.
There were also areas inside the building where some sunlight actually reached:
Yea, the sunlight made all the (supposedly) spooky-looking decor look TOTALLY LAME.
Isn't a haunted place s'posed to be D-A-R-K?!
Worse, the Playground Zone had all these (non-free) games that were supposed to be played... IN THE NON-AIRCONED, HUMID BANGKOK AIR.
Imagine playing these games in sauna-like humidity:
The "How Many Pots of Sweat Can You Produce" Game
The "How Far Can You Go Before Your Sweat Short-Circuits the Electrified Metal" Game
The "Billiards With Salty Sweat In Your Eyes" Game
The "Let's See Who'll Slide Off the Sweat First" Game
And look! Even this far inside, some sunlight STILL got in:
That's right. Those hands ain't lookin' any scary.
In fact, they just look pathetic under the bright sunlight.
There's a very spooky, ominous-looking "moon" hanging from the ceiling:
Unfortunately, looking up will just remind you that you're in a cheapo warehouse WITH NO AIRCON, sweating like a pig.
Sure, there are giant fans circulating the air, but when the air from outside is thick like butter, all you'll feel is breezes of muggy, hot air.
By this time, I was already sweating profusely that we were forced to go inside one of the restaurants:
I asked the waiter why there's no aircon outside.
He said, "Erm, there's just no aircon." DUH.
"But it's so HOT outside!" I whined. He could only smile sheepishly.
He added that at 6pm, purple lights will be turned on.
OK, so people will look purple at 6pm.
BUT STILL SWEATING BULLETS. Fabulous.
I thought the whole idea of a scary-looking mansion is to give people the CHILLS?!
Hell, I ain't feelin' no chills whatsoever. I was feelin' more like I'm gonna get heat rash soon.
Maybe the reason why there's no aircon is to lure visitors to enter the Dark Mansion?
It sure looks creepy enough.
This haunted mansion is supposedly modeled after the mansion of (fictional) Lord Ratchada's house, where he, trying to bring back his daughter from death, conducted horrifying experiments on human victims.
There's even a TV explaining the legend of Lord Ratchada in front of the Dark Mansion:
But honestly, how many times are visitors going to keep coming back once they've tried the Dark Mansion? Haunted houses are fun only the FIRST time around.
What is so upsetting is that the whole idea of a haunted mansion as a mall is reeeeally awesome.
Mansion 7 has SO MUCH POTENTIAL.
Look at this restaurant called "Blood Moon":
Notice the "blood" seeping from under the door? FREAKY!
And check out this creepy-looking wheelchair and poster set:
YIKES!
There's even a Harry-Potter-looking "Mansion 7 Gift Shop":
I swear, this whole place is being wasted.
Just get some aircons, for Pete's sake!!!
Bangkokians get really sluggish in the heat. Imagine your pretty date getting all sweaty and uncomfortable instead of hugging you tightly in fright.
What a waste of opportunity.
I even saw a foreign couple come in. They seemed very excited outside (and even took pics of the giant purple "claw" at the entrance). But once they went inside (and started sweating buckets), they spent max 3 minutes to walk around, and simply left. They didn't even open their wallets.
Is the management trying to save money? But an article in "The Nation" claimed that this place had a budget of 170 million baht - that ain't chump change!
I understand that economic times are tough nowadays, but foregoing AIRCON is unforgivable!!!!!!!!!
Notes to Mansion 7 management:
- PLEASE bring in some aircons to up the CHILL factor.
- seal the whole building for climate-control. Make sure no sunlight seeps in. Haunted mansions are meant to be DARK.
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